As a person with autism I am always looking for ways to work the world. As a child I did a lot of counting and rituals. I had little shrines and was always looking for signs. I’ve always had a big longing to believe in a God (sadly I haven’t met him/her/them yet) and occasionally do handshakes with trees. I read non-fiction books with great gusto to understand the world and tried (and failed) meditation. Everything sort of works a little for a little while. But what never faltered is my love for amulets: I have many tattoos, important objects in my pockets, meaningful pendants and special pens in my bag.
At the end of last year I published a book (in Dutch, the English version will follow soon). It is a graphic novel about being autistic. It was important to make the book: I want to prevent young people to be forced into wrong therapies (as I was) and developing a negative idea about who they are. I am a happy autist and convinced my autism is very closely connected to my talent and skills and a big factor in my professional success. That is a good story to tell right? 💪
After the book was published I got a lot of response. Most very positive and cool. But some felt a bit judgemental: You are so brave to share this! But you don’t seem autistic, I really couldn’t tell! 🤔
Over the years I’ve developed a sixth sense for negative feedback (unintended or not), because understanding social rules is constant work when you have autism. I immediately started doubting the book. It was wrong to publish it, it will be my downfall. Because Now Everyone Knows. 😨
On my book presentation party my friend Arjan van der Meij gave me a box of little action figures of me. I was speechless. He made a custom box and hand painted my favorite tattoo of the Dwingeloo Radio telescope on all little left arms.
He made this before the booklaunch. Before I had doubts. They are doubtless me’s!
So in the future I will always carry a little doubtless me as an amulet to help me get through the world. I have 15 of them. That will last me a lifetime. It’s like having 15 lives. 😊
❤️